Dating

How to deal when your ex moves on first

By Kara Byers April 14, 2016
What to do when your ex moves on quickly

Just a day after his divorce was announced, Nicolas Cage has been spotted with a new woman. Relationship expert, Melanie Schilling, gives her advice on what to do when your ex moves on first. 

Even if you're mostly over a split, seeing your ex move on with someone new can at best be confusing and at worst, have you spiraling into self doubt and angst. Here, Melanie Schilling, resident relationship expert on Married at First Sight, offers her advice for keeping it together and coming out on top.

Avoid 'comparisonitis'

“You and your ex both have your own, separate post-relationship journeys. You are different people with different perspectives, needs and levels of resilience. Try not to compare their path to yours and rather, focus on your own unique experience and start looking to your future.” 

Stop comparing and despairing

Image: Gabriella Sanchez

Concentrate on yourself

“After a break-up, it's very normal to feel a bit lost. You may be grieving the loss, holding regrets, longing for what could have been, or feeling totally confused about what happened. Whatever your emotional status, this is the time to invest in you.

“This is your opportunity to re-fill your emotional cup after a draining experience. How can you nurture yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually? It's important that you restore your settings to your 'normal' before stepping into your next relationship.

“Or better still, upgrade your self love and confidence by using your new-found singledom to explore a new side of yourself. Hang gliding... Anyone?”

Call in the squadImage: Gabriella Sanchez

Focus on what you learnt

“The best thing to do on an intellectual level post break-up is to extract the lessons. Consider the positives and negatives of the relationship, reflect on who you were in the relationship, the things you liked and disliked about yourself and the things you'd like to do differently next time.

“Also reflect on your partner (trying to avoid blame - bad relationship karma). What characteristics did they have that brought out your best? How did they push your buttons (in a negative way)? This will help you build a realistic and aspirational vision for your next relationship and help you avoid continuing bad patterns.”

Your ex taught you a lot

Image: Gabriella Sanchez

It’s all about your timeline

“Even if – in your opinion – your ex has moved on quickly, the key is to keep the focus on yourself and your future rather than wasting your energy ruminating and over-analysing your ex.”

When one door closes...

Image: Gabriella Sanchez

Give yourself all the time you need

“It's perfectly natural to feel the post-relationship burn - regardless of whether you were the dumper or dumpee. You still experience grief and loss and often, yearn for what could have been. It's important to allow yourself the time and space to process the relationship and it's ending, to reinvest in yourself and have some fun distractions on hand for when you're feeling blue. Remember, this feeling will pass and your next epic relationship may be just around the corner."

Time is all you need
Image: Gabriella Sanchez

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