Dating

My mum took over my dating app, and it was weird

By Steph N May 18, 2017
IPHONE MESSAGE FEATURE

But seriously...

So, like many single gals and guys in their 20s, my mum tends to have a few opinions about my dating life and how to improve on it. As she puts it: 

“If I had one of those dating apps, I’d being going on a date every week!” 

And she probably would be. My mum is a sweetheart and she’s a stunner, too. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean I trust her with my love life. 

Anyway. When the team at Happn approached me with the idea of having my mum take over my dating life, I (nervously) decided to give my mum the chance to prove her point. Against my initial judgement, I gave her full control. 

For the duration of the experiment, my mum would have to:

- Pick the photos used in my profile

- Write the "about me" section 

- Pick who I match with 

- Strike up a conversation with the matches she likes most

- Arrange a date on my behalf if she thought a guy was a good match for me

Here are the 11 most, er, interesting things that happened during our little dating experiment:

1. When I told my mum she could take over my dating app account she did this:

2. She got annoyed at me for not having enough photos of me on my own

“How are they going to know who you are?!” 

I eventually explained to her that she could upload a bunch of photos and so, the guys would (hopefully) figure it out. 

She only chose one photo I didn’t approve of. So far, so good. 

3. Somehow my “about me” section ended up being four question marks

Seriously, it reads: “????” 

I don’t know what happened here, but it makes me look like a crazy person.

4. Mum explained her strategy behind choosing potential matches and um, it wasn’t exactly the same as mine:

“I’m checking to see if he has a good job, first!” 

I mean, jobs matter, sure. But, y’know… I wouldn’t mind if he was funny and a little bit sexy too. 

5. When the matches started to come in, mum was quick to dive in for a little bit of banter 

Sometimes it worked nicely. 

Other times, not so much. 

6. As the conversations moved along, she grew to become more excited about the whole thing:

“I feel like I have a pen pal!” she told me at one stage. 

Then said, “Have you told your friends I’m doing this? They’re gonna want me to do it for all of them now, aren’t they? Find them all partners.” 

I mean, maybe?

7. She kinda just started making up answers to questions:

I literally never drink cabernet sauvignon and don't remember the last time I did the Bondi to Bronte walk. 

And I don’t follow soccer… like, at all.

Guess this is what it’s like to be a fu*kboy.

It was at about this stage that I started to freak out about who she was talking to and what she was saying. 

8. When one of my – or her? – chat buddies stopped replying, she reacted like most modern ladies do:

“That guy didn’t write back. Whatever. I didn’t like him, anyway. He was a bit of a love-me-do, I reckon.”  

9. She began organising a date with one guy and I lost my mind a little (read: a lot):

Turns out I was 100 per cent not chill about my mum choosing who I went on a date with. 

I wanted to know what his name was, how old he was, what he looked like, how tall he was, if he was funny, if he was smart… I turned into angsty 16-year-old me and it was not pretty. 

10. Said date never happened

I don’t really know what went down in the end (no I did not sabotage it). He just kind of, disappeared.

...Perhaps my stress levels were so high I somehow telepathically communicated to him that I was not super keen to go? 

11. I picked up and continued on with some of my mum’s online conversations, on my own.

They’re going just fine, thank you.

Guess my 'ma didn’t do as badly as I would have originally guessed. 

Images: Getty, Giphy

Smooth Mrec